What is this?

A failed cloud deployment?

Flood prevention?

Rack suicide due to bad cabling?

Memorandum to Spanish speaking employees

Este Memorando fué enviado por una empresa norteamericana a todos sus empleados de habla hispana…

To All Spanish Speaking Employees:

Several visitors to our office have brought to our attention that our Spanish-speaking employees commonly use offensive language. Such behavior, in addition to violating firm practices, is highly unprofessional, offensive both to visitors and employees, and will not be tolerated.

Therefore, we have decided to implement a series of rules in our office and would expect them to be applied. It is expected that All employees immediately adhere to these rules:

1- Words like puta, coño, carajo and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.

2- Non important matters should not be addressed to as pendejadas or maricadas.

3- You will not say la cagó when someone makes a mistake, or se lo cagaron if you see someone being reprimanded All forms and derivatives of the word cagar are inappropriate in our environment.

4- Lack of determination will not be referred to as to le falta peso en el culo or es un guevon, nor will a person with lack of initiative be referred to as pendejo, aguevado or bobo guevón.

5- No Manager or Supervisor, under any circumstances, will be referred to as hijo de puta, cabrón, or pirobo.

6- When a good proposal is presented, the terms está la verga, esta una chimba or la puteria must not be used.

7- Unusual or creative brainstorming meetings will not be referred to as pajas mentales.

8- Do not say cómo jode if a person is persistent or se lo llevó el putas if somebody is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say que pereza esta mierda, nos llevó el putas or nos arropo la malparidez when matters become complicated in your line of work.

9- When asking someone to leave you alone, you should not say vete pa la mierda, nor will you substitute: ¿qué putas quieres? for ‘may I help you?’

10- When leaving the office, using the term me voy pa la mierda is not proper.

11- When any office equipment fails, it must be reported as ‘it broke down’, not se putió, or se jodió esta mierda. Last but not least, after reading this memomorandum, please do not say me voy a limpiar el culo con esto.

Just keep it clean and file properly.

Thank you for your cooperation.